So many of us walk around constantly judging ourselves and carry around condemnation for the way we look and the way we act. Far gone is the ease of ‘just being ourselves’ while fear, resentment, and a critical spirit lead the way. It’s as though we’ve been overtaken and controlled by these forces. We’ve disconnected and begun a reactive state. Constantly fearful of our self ridicule and that of others, we often don’t realize how negative our perspective and self-dialogue is. In order to overcome this we must see the benefits of self-love(sounds fun right?), accurately assess ourselves, and change those patterns of thought and behavior.
Accurately assessing ourselves is often a challenge. One way to attain this is to try to gain an outside perspective of who you are. What do others see, and what would you think of yourself if you were another person. Strive not to over or underestimate yourself. A great exercise is asking those closest to you to write three words they think of when they think of you. You might be surprised by their responses.
If we can recognize our negative inner dialogue, the thoughts that tell us we’re just ok or not good looking enough or that we’re lacking in some way, we can begin to truly love ourselves.
Reversing the shame
Once you recognize and accept that you’ve carried those thought patterns you can begin to develop a healthy self love. This is the fun part, learning to love yourself. Checking those dialogues and replacing them with new dialogues takes time and practice. Throughout your everyday, vigilance in thinking and choosing loving self dialogue will awaken you to a whole new perspective on life.
Instead of thoughts like ‘I’m fat and I don’t like the way I look’, we can begin to choose things like ‘I’m working towards a different figure and who I am is awesome’ or ‘who I am isn’t defined by the way I look and I’m gonna fall in love with just being me’.
By choosing positive dialogue and replacing negative dialogue with ourselves, our minds begin to develop new emotions about the beings that we are. We begin producing new hormones and chemicals like dopamine, causing us to enjoy how we feel about ourselves. This process allows for a lot of self growth and healing.
Feelin the love
What do we do for something or someone we love? We spend time with it, we talk about how awesome it is, we make life easier for them, the list goes on. That’s exactly what we need to do for ourselves.
When we learn to have a healthy self love, everything changes.